THE LAST MELON

Well, 3 weeks and 4 performances later- we are done! Looking back, all the days seem just to blur together. Although, I feel this is often the case with these intensives. I'm exceedingly happy that I was able to become part of this unit of the Laramie Project. I feel like we really created a family in our short time together.
Part of me, still feels as if I could've done better. As an actor, I guess I really feed off the audience, and in Laramie this is really important because you are telling your story directly to the audience. screw, the fourth wall. "WE ARE LIKE THIS" I mean for much of the performance the audience is your scene partner, and I think that is, in part, what makes Laramie so effective in getting its message across.
I wanted this experience to see how I would work in a real life senario i f I am to become an actor. Quite honestly, this was so exhausting it almost makes me second guess myself. But then I see the impact that I had on people. My proudest moment was seeing Dayne tearing up. I never thought that I could effect someone so earnestly.

I think that is why I'm drawn to acting. Acting, for me, is way to get a message across- be it happiness or love or the boundaries we draw (i.e. with gay message). There is so little happiness in this world that it's exceedingly important to loose yourself in someone else. It's very refreshing for me not to be me for even a little bit.
But the thing is that I want to do something meaningful with my life and even though I love acting, like loosing myself in a good book. I do not know if it's what I want to do with my life.

But, in the end, I don't really think that I ever will really know. I'm a strange duck, and I know that and before I die, I hope to EVERYTHING. It's a tall order, but there it is. I just never want to stop. Basically, I hope to be the Energizer Bunny personified. Though I'm already failing at this. I just want to be fulfilled in my life. No regrets and all that.

Gosh, this has gotten awfully deep--fast. But, there it is.

DJ SHADOW OUT