Regaining That Intensity

When Caroline found that video, she showed it to me too. And she worded perfectly how I feel as well. We were talking about it and..it's one thing to hear about it, to read it..it's another thing to see his picture..and it's completely unreal to actually see him talking on a video. And he and his boyfriend talked about how Matthew was a member of the gay and lesbian group at the university and he said that it wasn't too active because the school is pretty conservative and all. To see Matthew and his boyfriend...it made me remember that Matt was a real person. He had a life. He had a boyfriend. And all of that was taken away from him in an instant. I wonder how his boyfriend felt. And it seems like both of them were interested in human rights and politics, like Jon Peacock says. They appear to be two genuinely kind people. I can't imagine how anyone could hurt Matthew like that.

Also, I was listening to a song tonight called "Scarecrow," which was written about Matthew. My mom had it on a CD and I remember hearing it when I was little..she told me what it was about, and that's how I sort of knew a bit about the incident before we began the intensive. I remember feeling sad, but I was far too young to really understand what happened and the significance of it. Listening to it now was really powerful, it actually made me tear up. Because I know that song, I know how it goes...but now, I really listened to the lyrics and it had an entirely new meaning. One of the lyrics that stands out to me goes like this: "Scarecrow crying, waiting to die, wondering why" This really made me think about what was going through Matt's head as he was tied to that fence. What did he do to deserve this? And then I think about the Baptist minster's line about how he hopes that Matthew had a chance to reflect on his lifestyle as he was tied there. That line absolutely sickens me. I truly hope that in that moment, Matthew did not regret being openly gay, I hope that he did not regret being who he was. Because he shouldn't be ashamed of who he was. And he shouldn't have felt he needed to act differently in order to please people, or to avoid being a victim of such an atrocious act. No one in the world deserves to be treated as Matt was, simply for being true to who they are.

Just one more thing. For me, all those emotions that I was feeling at the beginning of the intensive came rushing back tonight. Mr. L is right. As long as we remember that this actually happened, and as long as we listen to each and every word that is being said on stage, we will get that intensity back. I know we're going to put on a great show. Break a leg, everyone.